"How Sad to Live With the Consequences of FORGIVEN Sin"

"How Sad to Live With the Consequences of FORGIVEN Sin." William Culbertson. 

Have you ever come to that place in your life when you thought you had dealt with all your sin and junk in your past and then realized that you really hadn't? That describes my weekend. 

Let me start at the beginning. I went to a women's ministry leadership conference on Thursday and Friday last week. I went with the intention of learning some fun things to add to our women's ministry. I didn't go in with the intention that God was going to rock my world and change my life, why not? That is another story about how I don't go to things expecting God to do a MAJOR work in my life, but we are working on one thing at a time here. 

We had a choice of what classes we wanted to go to and I picked Maximizing Your Ministry. I thought that would be the perfect class for me. There was also another class called Ministering to Your Women In Crises, and I thought it looked OK but really wasn't for me. Most of you know, for awhile I was a crises on wheels and thought that I didn't need to attend THAT class. But I met a sweet lady from a area church and as we sat through the first class of Maximizing your Ministry, we both felt it was not what we were looking for so we changed and headed unexpectantly to the ministering to women in crises. As luck would have it (grin over that statement) there was only one seat left and it was right in the front of the lady teaching. I went to sit there and asked if anyone was sitting there. The lady behind me sad no, the lady that was sitting there moved because she kept getting called on. Oh great, here we go. 

As this lady started her class, she was just a doll and I loved her from the first second. She was dressed so cute and had on the best, quality shoes (HAHA) I have ever seen. I was hooked from the moment she started. Her name is Pat Layton and she has just written a book called Surrendering The Secret. (www.surrenderingthesecret.com) It is a bible study for post abortion trauma. As I listened to her teach us how to deal with women in crises. She said so many things that I needed to hear. Beth Moore says over and over again that before we are ready to minister to others we had to deal with our own stuff. Ladies, let me tell you, I thought I had dealt with my own stuff.  Sitting there I had to come to grips with the fact that I hadn't totally done that. There was a lot of stuffing down and not truly healing. God was showing me that it was my pride and self-protection (you will hear that word from me lots in the next few weeks, I am sure. After the leadership training, we went to Living Proof Life with Beth Moore and her topic leads right into all of what God was showing me. More on that later, there is so MUCH, it is all running together.YEAH GOD) 

Anyway, back to where I was, God was telling me that I needed to forgive myself of past sins and not act like they weren't there. Not thinking about them doesn't mean always mean forgiveness and healing has taken place. We have to deal with our sin and lay it at the cross. I realized that I only wanted to tell parts of my testimony and not all of it. I didn't want to admit to ALL that I had done wrong. I was just pretending it wasn't there. I had to text my parents in the middle and apologize and ask them for forgiveness for all that I put them through - some stuff they knew about and some, praise the Lord, they don't. My Mom was so sweet and had already forgiven me and went on to let me know that there was no shame in Jesus. That my not accepting Jesus' forgiveness was telling Him that the cross was not enough. Oh Lord, what a price He paid, the least I could do was accept that forgiveness. 

So, this morning, as I was reading my bible reading. I was in Psalms, and my heart just jumped out in my skin when I got to Psalm 51. Now I have read Psalm 51 before many times, I have sang it, prayed it. But this morning, I read it, as if it was a text (grin) to me. It was my personal prayer to the Lord. All in one psalm. It wrapped up everything my heart and soul needed to say to Him.  I wrote out that prayer this morning in my journal making it personal as if it was from me to Him (with a thanks to David for his words and a praise to the Lord that He allowed David to write it as an example to us). 

After doing that I opened my With the Word by Warren Wiersbe and this was the quote he had under his commentary of Psalm 51. "How sad to live with the consequences of FORGIVEN sin." I thought that summed it up better than I could. God has offered us so much at the cross, a forgiven life, let's start living it, bask in His forgiveness and as we do we can then do, what God has called me and each of us to do,  Psalms 51: 13 "Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you." My new life calling! and then David goes on to say, "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise." (Ps. 51:15) My other life calling, a life of praise!

Let's live today as Jesus intended it when He died on the cross, to offer His perfect life for our imperfect one! Amen and Amen. 

Y'all Are The Best

I don't think I ever imagined the love and support I would receive from blog world. Each of your comments and personal e-mails have meant so much to me. I just had to tell you. Thank you for your prayers, love, and support. What a blessing y'all are. I think of y'all often, throughout the day, I often say to myself, do you think they might want to know this? Or, I am wrestling through something I am learning about our God and it helps me to just get it on paper. I often start and hardly even know where it is going to end. Thanks for reading, for not minding the run-on sentences, misspelled words, or my total butchering of the English language. 

Y'all are the Best! 

MUCH love to each of you. 

My First Official Devotion

Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Our “3 AM Wake Up Call” came a few weeks ago. Our youngest son, Jackson, came screaming into our room, pausing only to throw up all over the carpet, and continue to scream at the top of his lungs. Every mom knows what that feels like to get startled in the middle of the night with a crises. I jumped out of the bed trying to help him get to the toilet. I held his little body as he cried, screamed, and poured out everything in his body until there was nothing left inside of him. He had a fever, he was miserable, and was just plain “beside himself.” We have a small couch in our room and I carried him trying desperately to settle him. He cried out, "I just want someone to sing to me." I sort of thought he was maybe just a bit delusional since I don't sing. I replied, "that is dad's area. I just clean throw up." Brad got up and got his guitar and began to sing a song he wrote entitled "Don't Cry." I sat there on my bed and watched as his daddy sang him to sleep. I have to tell you that watching his daddy quiet his tears and settle him to sleep was an incredible experience.  Then I sae the picture of God’s love in this scene.. When we are hurt, crying, and distraught, God sings over us like a loving father to his desperate child What a picture. He loves us so. 

I Samuel 1:10 "In Bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord." 
This is the first of a series of devotions that study Hannah in the book of 1 Samuel. When I think of Brad quieting Jackson with song, I think of our Father and how He quieted Hannah. Helistened and comforted her as she poured out her heart before Him.  I can now picture Hannah, who was as 1 Samuel 1 verse 10 describes “greatly distressed, praying to the Lord and weeping bitterly.”  Haven’t we all been there? – greatly distressed, praying to the Lord and weeping bitterly. I can so relate to Hannah and I hope you can to. 

The theme of Hannah’s story is that God alone is the answer to any barrenness in our lives. It proves that we can trust Him to do exceedingly more than we could ask or think, (Ephesians 3:20) that His plans are for a hope and a future, (Jeremiah 29:11) and that God works all things for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).  Hannah was one of these women. Hannah lived as a barren woman at a time when the nation of Israel was experiencing a spiritual barrenness.  Her solution was Israel’s solution:  brokenness before the Lord. 

Many times as pastor’s wives we feel that there is no one around that we can trust with our deepest thoughts. . . Many times our hearts grapple with needs that cannot be shared because we have been someone else’s trusted friend. . . Often we are lonely and just need a friend in which to share. God is waiting to hear from us, He longs to quiet us with His love, to rejoice over us with singing. 

What is it today that you need to pour out to him? What do you need Him to quiet you over? 

Text Me Or Test Me?

I was reading my daily Bible reading this morning and I was a bit tired while reading and I happened to look forward to the next Psalms and read Psalm 26:2 and I could have sworn that it said, "text me, O Lord." I must admit, for a brief second I got very excited. I really thought that God was going to text me. I know that He COULD if He wanted, but He just doesn't speak that way anymore. Unfortunately for me, the verse says, "Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind." 

I realized this morning that I really didn't want God to test me, I just wanted Him to text me. I must admit, if I got a text from God saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love." How seriously would I take that. Yet, in front of me, is a book full of His words to me that I don't take seriously enough to even read the words right. 

Do I really understand what sits in my lap each morning? Do I really grasp that it is so much more than a text message, but the living, active Word of GOD. NO, or my life would look so different. My morning Bible readings would look very different. Everything about me would be different. 

Tomorrow as I read, I am asking God to allow me to see His word for what it really is. HIS WORD TO ME. His message to me. I hope you will too. 

A Hard Loss

Drew and his team lost for the first time in a long time. It was heartbreaking. Drew is number 9. This team was the biggest team we had ever seen. Almost all of their boys were bigger than our coach. It was a hard loss. It was a sad day in the Ewing house.